I enjoy a good memoir. Reading or listening to the stories of real people’s lives, especially told in the person’s own voice and style, can be one of the most pleasant and inspiring experiences. As a long-time and widely read editor of this genre, I have put together the following list of tips for writing a memoir. These should help smooth the process, whether you’re writing your own story or ghostwriting someone else’s.
Tips for Writing a Memoir No. 1: Solid Framework
Step 1: Draft a disclaimer for your imprint page.
Hear me out. Of course, I think you should start with an outline and a basic story structure. But I’m a planner, so that’s my advice for any book. Specifically when you write your memoir, I think you should start by drafting your disclaimers.
Often, people are nervous that something they say about someone will become a potential problem. This is a very real legal concern. The legal ramifications for libel (publishing untrue and disparaging remarks about another person) can be severe. Of course, I want you to avoid this.
On one hand, “If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better,” (easy for Anne Lamott to say!), but of course it’s more complicated than that in real life.
What is generally advisable is to include a disclaimer on your imprint page (copyright page) as well as online excerpts of your material to say that you are telling your story and your interpretation of events that happened in your life to the best of your knowledge and memory.
You might change people’s names or other identifying details to help protect their identity, if that’s what you choose to do. And if you choose to do that, then include a disclaimer telling your readers that’s what you did.
Need some examples to work from? Here are some examples of legal disclaimers for your nonfiction book.
Of course, this doesn’t have to be the final draft. But just to warm up your brain and get you thinking about what you’re going to write and who you’re going to include in your story, spend an hour or so drafting any and all disclaimers you think you’ll need for your memoir.
Step 2: Draft the introduction
I know you want to jump right into telling your story, but make sure you have the framework in place first. My second step in the first of my tips for writing a memoir is to outline and draft your introduction.
Generally, I’d recommend an introduction that’s two to three pages for the final draft, so for this first draft, just aim for a page. Page and a half maybe.
In your introduction, you want to grab the reader’s attention at the beginning, which is often done with a “hook” story. An inciting incident. Something that makes them want to know more. If you can tell an interesting, impactful, emotional story in a paragraph or two, you’ll grab them and pull them right into the rest of your book.
Then, give them a big picture overview. A paragraph or two about who you are and why you decided to write this book. What’s your big idea? The main lesson you learned? What is compelling you to share your wisdom, your humor, your vulnerability (etc.) with them? Spend a little time introducing yourself, but more importantly, be clear and focused about the purpose and intention behind your writing.
Then, promise them something. What will they get out of your book? What’s in it for them? Promise to entertain, to delight, to inform, to educate, to open a new perspective, to inspire … promise them some kind of verb. It doesn’t have to be over-the-top life changing. But promise them that they’ll know more or have fun. Something personal.
Now when you write your memoir, you’ll have a clear sense of purpose and a goal to align your content with. Refer back to this draft of your introduction as often as you need to. And of course, after you’ve written the main chapters of your story, go back and revise and finalize this introduction so it not only aligns with what you wrote but so that it says everything you want it to say.
Step 3: Draft the conclusion
I know what you’re thinking: “I came here for tips on how to write my memoir, and you’re talking about framework materials!”
Look, I know you know your story. You’ll get to that part, I promise.
But first, draft a page-long conclusion “chapter.” Keep it focused.
Imagine you’re at the end of your writing journey. How do you want to say good-bye to your reader?
This is your chance to thank them for their time and for joining you on this journey. Tell them how much you appreciate them reading your book. Remind them of the goals and intentions from the introduction and express your hope that they agree the goals were met.
Then, invite them to connect with you and any other examples of your work online. Include contact information, info for social media and other websites, and anything else you want them to know about where they can find you (events, web courses, other businesses, etc.).
Of course, if you haven’t set this up yet, don’t worry about it. Put in placeholder text because you’re going to finalize this for real after you write the book anyway.
Tips for Writing a Memoir No. 2: Balance Truth and Fiction
Second in my tips for writing a memoir is to remember to have some fun with it. Yes, it’s the story of your life, and parts of it may be heavy. But it’s also your time to shine. Your time to tell the world who you are and what you stand for. Your chance to showcase your growth, your talents, and your passion. Take the license to be a bit creative when you need to be…and check out my Tips for Writing Your First Draft.
Step 1: Prepare your notes
Now that I’ve advised you on how to build the framework when you start to write your memoir, I can give you my best tips for creative writing in this genre.
The truth is that memory is notoriously faulty. (Oh, I’m sure. Not your memory, of course…) The first place to begin is your own documentation. Old journal and diary entries, correspondence (including emails or message threads), and video or photo archives are good places to start your own research.
Sitting to look through all of this can be overwhelming and distracting. Don’t start by diving in. Instead, when you’re writing a chapter, scene, or retelling of something that happened, make note of when you can recall something in your archives that will help you confirm the details. Then later, at a separate time, you can dig through and find your source or reference materials.
For example, let’s say you want to write about your wedding day. (Forgive me, it’s an easy example). You want to include details about what people were wearing and how old certain people were; you want to include some of the drama of the planning process and what happened after the Big Day.
Well, you write the scene, and you make an accompanying list of all the places you can double-check yourself on the details: photo collections, emails from certain people in the days leading up to or following the event, family members and friends’ social media posts. Now you have a narrow list of places to check for specific details. Of course, in your research, you may find other details you’d forgotten that you wanted to add, or other info you’d like to change. But that’s what revision is for.
But preparing your notes before you dig into your own archives can save you a ton of time in the research process.
Step 2: Prepare to interview
One of the richest resources for knowledge and perspective that any of us have in our lives is other people. When writing your memoir, consider who else participated in some of the big (or small) moments of your life, and with whom could you confirm the information and discuss your portrayal of events and experiences.
You may be thinking, “What? I don’t want other people’s words to write my memoir for me. I want to use my own words.”
Of course, you want people’s input. You want their enhanced perspective to fill in gaps in your knowledge or inform your reflection and discussions about long-term results of things that happened. But don’t feel obligated to include all the information from every interview. You simply can’t. You’ll have to fine-tune what is said so it weaves into your narrative, and some information or people’s perspectives simply may not fit.
On the practical side of my tips for writing a memoir, I advise creating documentation of your interviews. Record any in-person or virtual voice-to-voice conversations and have them transcribed so you can edit them in where needed. Otter.ai is an excellent resource for this, and you could certainly hire someone to proofread the transcript for you before you begin working with it.
Step 3: Think of memoir like time travel
Now you have all these notes and you have words from others about what happened or what they think happened. You’re getting closer to having a whole story to tell.
That’s what makes a great memoir more than just a collection of facts about a person’s life – it’s the story of how those facts and events and circumstances and reactions all came together to result in something (someone) who does things differently and who has something to teach: You!
The best memoirs creatively retell the most important events and balance between the stories that took place in the past and the current version of the person reflecting on the lessons learned or how that event influenced them in the long term. There are different ways to do this, and among my best tips for creative writing is that you figure out what process and structure works for you.
Some save all their reflection for chapters toward the end of the book; some have a section at the end of each chapter that reflects on the events discussed in that chapter; some interweave or jump forward and backward in time. It all depends on your style, but make sure while you’re writing that you include some narrative about you now, today, as a writer, reflecting on what happened and telling your reader what you hope they learn from it.
What Are Your Top Tips for Writing a Memoir?
The most common writing advice you’ll read — like, show don’t tell and balance between narration, action, and dialogue — applies to whatever you write, but specifically, these are my best tips for writing a memoir. What are yours? Share them below! Memoir is a unique genre that allows a writer to combine their storytelling talents with a little bit of research into facts of personal history. But when you write your memoir, you get to tell your story your way, which is invaluable. Hopefully these tips make the process a bit easier and even maybe a bit more fun!